自欺欺人

10:10 28th Nov 2010

It is what it is. Looking at the clock only signifies one self creating an illusion to feel better of the reality. 

25 skills every man should know

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/lifestyle/news/article.cfm?c_id=6&objectid=10690654

What's wrong with men? According to one broadcaster, they've become 'useless morons' who need to man up and pick up the crescent wrench again - and a fair few Kiwi women agree.

When Paul Haines was raising his young family in the 1970s, the world was bursting with things to build, fix, pull apart and put together again.

If the record player broke he cracked it open, slipped the drive belt over the whatchamacallit, gave it a whack and 95 per cent of the time it started again.

When an extra room was needed to accommodate his growing brood he built one, even if it took nine years.

That bedroom was mine. But I can hardly complain about the wait because, these days, it may never have even been built at all.

Besides the regulations and consents that hadn't been invented back then, the know-how and tools my father used to survive the 20th century just don't cut it any more.

Now, he is more likely to try to mend his computer by shouting at it than prising it open and twiddling with a couple of wires.

In the past, "anything that broke could be fixed", Dad says. These days getting a modern appliance out of its box requires a level of skill that is beyond most men.

And so he was kind of bemused by the claim from James May, a host of Top Gear, that modern men are becoming "useless morons" who need to reclaim the lost arts of handymandom.

"But now things which once may have presented a small and interesting challenge to the would-be repairer are so out of reach to the casual handyman that it's no longer worth the effort - if actually possible at all," says Dad.

James May clearly thinks it's worth trying, and possible, as he launches a new TV series, Man Lab, in a bid to teach men a few of the old tricks.

But all this begs a few questions: Has modern man really lost his way with the spanner or is this just another attempt to typecast them as bumbling Homer Simpson-like children?

And, most importantly, if forgoing the ancient crafts of drain repair and TV tuning means they spend quality time with their kids on the weekend, what do we really care?

Someone who does care deeply about all of this is motorcycle mechanic Matthew B. Crawford.

Crawford was a philosophy professor and thinktank director until he left to fix bikes a few years ago.

He writes in his treatise in defence of handymanship - Shop Class as Soul Craft: An inquiry into the value of work - that undervaluing manual skills denies men a vital connection to the built material world.

For Crawford, the wad of cash in his pants when someone drives out of his workshop on a bike he's just fixed fills him with a satisfaction his thinktank directorship couldn't match.

Plus, he reckons, it is often more intellectually stimulating work.

"The satisfactions of manifesting oneself concretely in the world through manual competence have been known to make a man quiet and easy," he writes.

"They seem to relieve him of the felt need to offer chatting interpretations of himself to vindicate his work. They can simply point: The building stands, the car now runs, the lights are on."

So, given the loss of opportunities for such stoic poignancy - when all the lawnmowers pack up and men lose the ability to parallel park - will women grow so bored of their "moronic uselessness" (as May suggests we will) that men will be reduced to mere sperm donors?

It's one thing to accuse men of turning into pansies, as Aussie rugby legend Mal Meninga lamented when a deodorant-sponsored survey revealed more men used moisturiser than knew what a socket wrench was. It's another thing for women to abandon them completely.

Babies are still being made - most in the old-fashioned way - and men, despite all the hysteria about being usurped by lesbians and computers, still earn much more money and hold the vast majority of powerful positions.

Yet cast around among women and it seems there is something to be said for the self-sufficient DIY man.

"It's not like I want him to be a typical Kiwi macho bloke," says Freda, a 30-something professional and mother-of-two. Her lawyer husband spends any time he can outside, building, fixing and DIYing around their small city-fringe home.

"I know that it's a bit rich given that I can't do any of those things, but I want my man to be able to build and fix things. In fact, it's a turn-on, the idea that they're self-sufficient and enjoy the challenge of building, or creating something."

And Freda's not alone. A 2003 poll of Swedish men and women sponsored by the makers of Viagra found both genders ranked handyman skills at the top of the list of desirable masculine traits, ahead of sexual potency and a well-paid job.

Which is interesting when anecdotal evidence does point to a decline in traditional handyman skills among men.

Schools can't find enough teachers to take technical subjects, so boys and girls could be missing out on skills many of us picked up in high school.

Hire a Hubby franchise director Andrew Chisholm says business is booming. Yet Chisholm is loath to blame men's uselessness for this, saying he doesn't mow his own lawns because he chooses to spend time with his family.

Nevertheless, American DIY magazine Popular Mechanics issued a challenge to men last year to master 25 basic tasks in response to its fears they were losing status as "real men".

Interestingly, the list didn't include changing nappies, or cooking something delicious and complicated for the people you love.

THE NOTION of masculinity comprising some aspects of traditional handiness is one thing - that it is contingent on them is quite another. Suggest to Michael Petherick, 39, that men are becoming useless morons and he's likely to throw a chicken at you.

Like Dr Crawford, Petherick left a knowledge-based job - as a senior government lawyer - to reconnect with some age-old traditional skills.

But, while he tinkers with the kids' bikes and builds retaining walls, he is also the primary caregiver to his two children: Rata, 5, and Lucian, 3.

"It's a load of rubbish to say men are becoming more useless," Petherick says. "Basically our role models are pretty much the same as they always have been. Men still go out to work and by and large women are the ones who stay home and look after the kids.

"What's happened is that mothers are doing really well getting into the workforce but there is not a lot of traffic going in the other direction. Men are not staying home to look after the kids."

While he wishes more men would step up, Petherick at least partly blames women, who he says don't always let their partners swap roles.

Even now, despite creating an almost self-sufficient lifestyle for his family, raising vegetables and chickens and ferrying the children to after-school activities, Mike sometimes feels subtly undermined.

"People talk about the Margaret Thatcher or Jenny Shipley effect - you have to be more man than the men if you want to compete in that world. I find the same staying at home. I strive to be 120 per cent woman. The house has to be tidier; I cook more often and better. But even then I feel ... I'm coming up short."

Arguably, there's a synergy between the traditional gender roles. Petherick's kids get to learn from their dad some of the skills James May might deem essential to masculinity, while also appreciating him as the primary nurturer.

And if he's at home during the day, why not fix the flapping skirting board? And while his wife can't fix the puncture on her bike, Rata will be able to, he says.

So what of the future? Who will build our decks and fix our dishwashers? Women don't seem particularly interested. Will there be enough tradespeople to pick up the slack? Not unless the numbers being enticed into the trades picks up.

And what of the loss of the "soul craft" that Dr Crawford so laments? For a young generation of country men, there doesn't seem to be a problem, says the director of Waitaki Boys' High School in Oamaru, Dr Paul Baker.

"The traditional No8 wire mentality still has not died. I see it among the hostel boys. If anything breaks, or anything needs fixing, the country boys are queuing up to be the ones to do it."

In that, there is a marked urban-rural divide, he says. While my urbanite father may know which end of a workhorse to saw from, it's not the same story two generations on. Ask his grandson - my son.

"We are not interested in defining ourselves by traditional masculine skills," says Dylan, 18. "And we don't feel it's expected of us."

Yet Generation Z hasn't given up on the satisfaction of creating new things. They tinker in their sheds like their grandfathers; but their sheds are virtual and girls are allowed in, too.

Web 2.0 lets people create and share things online for free, says Dylan. "Now they can make TV for themselves because the technology is available ... It's the new craft - just it's happening online."

My father wouldn't know where to find Web 2.0, let alone create something using it. But he could make a desk for the kids to put their computers on.

"As an Old Man, to manage, I guess I need something of the New Man," he muses.

"Sadly, to succeed today, the New Man probably needs quite a bit of the Old Man."

POPULAR MECHANICS' LIST OF 25 SKILLS EVERY MAN SHOULD KNOW

1. Patch a radiator hose

2. Protect your computer

3. Rescue a boater who has capsized

4. Frame a wall

5. Retouch digital photos

6. Back up a trailer

7. Build a campfire

8. Fix a dead outlet

9. Navigate with a map and compass

10. Use a torque wrench

11. Sharpen a knife

12. Perform CPR

13. Fillet a fish

14. Manoeuvre a car out of a skid

15. Get a car unstuck

16. Back up data

17. Paint a room

18. Mix concrete

19. Clean a bolt-action rifle

20. Change oil and filter

21. Hook up an HDTV

22. Bleed brakes

23. Paddle a canoe

24. Fix a bike flat

25. Extend your wireless network

「就這麼想吧，每當有不如意的事情，不論你有多麼努力，
當事情似乎沒有轉機時，就當這是上天賜給你的一個長假。
　在這段時間裡，你可以自己努力的充實你自己，
　也可以趁機放鬆自己，好好關心自己身邊的人與事。
　上天自會安排這一切，等這段假期過後，即會出現人生的轉變.....」
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　長假 - 瀨名


Gift of freedom and choice is perhaps the best I can do for myself.

Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again

What would you do if you knew you could not fail?”

- Robert H. Schuller

彼岸花

彼岸花，開一千年，落一千年，花葉永不相見。

I cant see the future any more. I am losing vision and belief.

Source: http://blog.roodo.com/non2005/archives/823797.html

曼 珠沙華，又稱彼岸花。一般認為是生長在三途河邊的接引之花。花香傳說有魔力，能喚起死者生前的記憶。

春分前後三天叫春彼岸，秋分前後三天叫秋彼岸。是上墳的日子。彼岸花開在秋彼岸期間，非常準時，所以才 叫彼岸花吧。

彼岸花，花開 開彼岸，花開時看不到葉子，有葉子時看不到花，花葉兩不相見，生生相錯。相傳此花只開於黃泉，是黃泉路上唯一的風景。

彼岸花是開在黃泉之路的花朵，在那兒大批大批的開著 這花，遠遠看上去就像是血所鋪成的地毯, 又因其紅的似火而被喻為”火照之路” 也是這長長黃泉路上唯一的風景與色彩. 人就踏著這花的指引通向幽冥之獄。　

彼岸花：佛家語，荼蘼是花季最後盛開的花，開到荼蘼花事了，只剩下開在遺忘前生的彼岸的花。

來自:【摩 訶曼陀羅華曼珠沙華】， 意思是：開在天界之紅 花。 它的雌雄花蕊長長地伸出，花形仿佛颱風天被 吹翻了的傘，也似紅色的風車，又似向秋空祈願的一雙雙手。

開到荼蘼花事 了，乃長葉子，雖修得同根，終其一身，花與葉永無緣相見。 故 得名彼岸花。

帶有佛教的思 想。 佛教認為有生死輪迴的境界好比此岸，超脫生死，無愛無恨的境界(涅盤)。好比彼岸。

花有種特殊味 道，有點象大蒜，昆蟲和老鼠之類的不喜歡靠近它，所以常常被種在墳墓邊驅逐蟲害。

她顏色如鮮血，是種靈異氣氛很重的花。

彼岸花，開一千 年，落一千年，花葉永不相見。情不為因果，緣註定生死。

曼珠紗華 Manjusaka ， 學名石蒜花，或稱彼岸花。

原產地是中國大陸，台灣，金馬也有
雖有毒性，但 是球根經過處理可以食用，也作為藥材來使用

日本在日高市巾 着田盛開彼岸花

現在的品種推測為兩千多年前，自中國運來北九州

春天是球根，夏天生長葉子，秋天立起開花，冬天葉子又慢慢退去，如此輪迴
而花葉永不相見，也有著永遠無法相會的悲戀之意
彼 岸花（曼珠沙華）日本的花語是「悲傷的回憶」，韓國的花語則是「相互思念」

山口百惠的歌詞中，也應該含有這些意思．
還有白色的花，白色的夢也染成紅色，這些詞句，也是作詞者的用心

A Certain Tune

I have been humming to this song all day long. I really like his R&B-ish yet very light intrepretation.

Some say that the music preference is reflection of the inner state of mind. I cant agree with that anymore.

Courage.
Presistence.




This is the will to always go on. To always get up. To finish what it is started.

For MH, fell for you.

Mamma Mia

Mamma mia, here i go again
My my, how can i resist you?
Mamma mia, does it show again?
My my, just how much i've missed you
Yes, i've been brokenhearted
Blue since the day we parted
Why, why did i ever let you go?
Mamma mia, even if i say
Bye bye, leave me now or never
Mamma mia, it's a game we play
Bye bye doesn't mean forever

Mamma mia, here i go again
My my, how can i resist you?
Mamma mia, does it show again?
My my, just how much i've missed you
Yes, i've been brokenhearted
Blue since the day we parted
Why, why did i ever let you go
Mamma mia, now i really know
My my, i could never let you go

You going back does not change anything. After all, you weren't even here a month ago.

It can work, and we can make it work. I just need to know that you believe.

I won't make any empty promises I cant keep, as I have before. And I will be exploring all options that are feasible. I just need to your trust and need for you to believe.

Hope

I hope that the Sydney weather is not too cold now.
I hope that Sydney is not raining not now.

I hope you will not feel nausea on the trip home.
I hope that this summer will not be too hot.

I hope you will find something you like in Taiwan.
I hope that everything will work out for you.

And I hope that there is happiness for you wherever you are!

《江城子》：

十年生死兩茫茫。
不思量，自難忘。
千里孤墳，無處話淒涼。
縱使相逢應不識，塵滿面，鬢如霜。　　
夜來幽夢忽還鄉。
小軒窗，正梳妝。
相顧無言，惟有淚千行。
料得年年斷腸處，明月夜，短松崗。

［譯文］

妳我兩人一生一死，倆相界離隔絕已十年，音訊渺茫。不思念吧！但本來就已難忘。妳的孤墳遠在千里，沒有地方與妳交談淒涼的景況。即使相逢也料想不會認識，因為我四處奔波，灰塵滿面，鬢髮如霜。
晚上忽然在隱約的夢境中回到了家鄉，只見妻子正在小窗前梳妝。兩人互相凝望著，沒有言語，只有淚千行。料想年年斷腸的地方，晚上明月照耀著長著小松樹的墳山。

蘇軾【江城子】

西元1065年，宋英宗治平二年，蘇軾二十九歲，妻王弗去世。
王弗西元1038年7月30日生，西元1065年5月28日卒，卒年27歲。
九月初九日百日齋設，蘇軾爲弔亡妻親自書作《大方廣圓覺修多羅了義經》一文，以贈淨因大覺禪師，庶用追薦。「經文後記：趙郡蘇軾記。」
西元1066年正月，蘇軾親自將王弗遺體運回趙郡短松崗(現今四川省眉山市土地鄉短松崗)，安葬愛妻。
正月二十日，那一夜，蘇軾半夜夢裡憶亡妻，泣中驚醒，傷痛得「千里孤墳，無處話淒涼。」悲傷地寫下了千古絕泣詩《江城子》雙調，七十字，五平韻。